Beauty of knowing you’re screwed

Over the last 1 and half months, I’ve been working almost 16-18 hrs a day, Getting bitten and chewed by every tom dick and harry (they are pseudonyms for thamizhvaanan, dhinakar and harichandran) in my office. Life was filled with showstoppers and I was left wondering where was the show before I realized I was the show.

In all this irony of being the star attraction in a show which I was basically flogged while everyone evaluated the depth of the flog marks and the decibel level of my screams, I realized a beautiful truth. I wasn’t alone. Everyone was getting flogged and evaluated by someone. Being an atheist, I also didn’t have to worry about who was evaluating God. Life was one big ugly 360 degree appraisal where everyone was screwed by someone (well almost).

After this great truth which came when I was getting piss drunk on the last day of the EPL season when it seemed Arsenal were collectively more drunk, sloshed and had more luck than Ireland (not the Stephen kind, poor bastard) the whole world began to make sense for a nanosecond between arsenal taking yet another corner and koschielney scoring a goal which seemed too amateurish to be true. All the world’s a stage was a very stupid statement. All the world was a prison with prison rules. All of us belong to gangs. There are essentially 4 types of people in general. Let me try to give those 4 types which I thought of randomly.

1) The Silver Spooners :

This is the guy/girl whose biggest problems in life is not whether the money will run out but what will you do with it. They are either extremely conscious of their wealth or flaunt it. Their entire existence depends on them being in the good books of their parents. Hence rape is ok but missing puja is not. These people tend to wander till 30 after which they join daddy’s business and make more millions before dying surrounded by friends and family.

2) The ladder climbers :

This group has been drilled from birth that they are not the silver spoons and they have minor amounts of sothu to fall back on. They have had a sip of most luxuries but can’t afford more than that. They HAVE to work their arses off to stay ahead of other ladder climbers. This group has also been told that there are only 3 ladders available to them BE+MBA/MS, MBBS+MD+FRC, BCom+CA/IAS. This group will dream of doing things which the silver spooners do. They save money for 6 months and then feel too chicken to spend it doing what they want so they’ll put it in a PPF account. This group dreams that their kids will atleast belong to the silver spooners group. Most people in this group ignore health to save up till 40 and spend extra from 40 treating Diabetes, BP & Heart disease. Most survive till old age but feel miserable even then.

3) The first timers :

These people have a terrible childhood which they realize only after they enter the ladder climbers group and then they realize how miserable they were. They wish they could go back to  being first timers without tension but with money. These people think they can jump to become silver spooners. They detest ladder climbers more than anything else.

4) The We’re screweders :

This group is just trying to stay alive and die with enough money to pay for their funerals. They are a sad lot for whom life has dealt the worst hand. They have a determination to survive and come apocalypse, they’ll get their chance. They are also the most humane of all groups. They’re eco friendly and don’t throw stones or abandon their pets. They would spend their last penny for ones they love. They don’t bother faking emotions or have dual personalities. They truly enjoy the small moments in life.

So, in the end, I realized I belonged to the ladder climbers. Diabetes, BP,Heart attack, here I come.

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About dairyman

A cat in a man's body who loves dogs. View all posts by dairyman

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