Sorry

What a terrible last couple of weeks. Women who were seething anyway mostly consoling themselves that nothing can be done about the groping, letching and ‘brushing’ which they experienced on day to day basis have been shocked by what happened to a yet to be of voting age girl (not a woman, just a girl) manhandled…scratch that molested? Nope. Not strong enough. Violated by 50+ men for over half an hour!!!! HALF A FUCKING HOUR!!! That’s the amount of time an episode of  MasterChef Australia comes on TV in HD, the amount of time an episode of How I Met Your Mother lasts. It’s not a few seconds where you don’t realize what’s happening and are in shock. No siree. It’s the amount of time where you’re in shock followed by fear followed by anger followed by helplessness and finally ending in resignation. This girl…all of 17…went through it. There are worse things that happen to girls that age in this country of course. Rape. Marriage. Marriage and then rape. Rape and then Marriage. Funny how most of these things have one thing in common, an overpowering man.

I have for a very long time tried to understand which part of the animal/mammal left in man is responsible for rape. However, the time I’ve spent watching the discovery channel or Nat Geo even Eminem videos, men or the male species of every animal first fights among itself for the right to mate then woos the female and only on her consent does it even approach the female. The FEMALE of every fucking species chooses the man it wants to mate with. So animal kingdom can be left out of the equation.

Let’s take insects then. The most organized or highly developed societal insects are the ants & the bees. The bees/ants have 1 QUEEN and a million workers and a few drones who mate with the queen only when called to action (so to speak) so it’s not from insects either. So who could’ve given it to us men?

The elusive ‘God’ (not the particle version. That is real). Let us just examine the metamorphosis of religion into a one stop authorization mechanism used by men (scrupulous and otherwise) to justify acts. Child Marriage, sati (still prevalent in Rajasthan some people say), sharing women after marriage (without consent), polygamy (in the garb of obsolete tradition), not allowed to participate in religious functions during periods, not allowing women into officialdom of religion (because god meant it that way). Through all these acts, men have it hardwired into them that women are of second class. In fact most men have to unlearn this to even accept that women and men are equal. On self-introspection, I am disgusted to learn that I actually think I am better because I think men and women are equal. Not NORMAL but BETTER. This might be a unique case of me alone or it could be more prevalent even among liberal men. Which again brings me to another question, what does being liberal/conservative have to do anything with treating women as equals. Why do we need to ‘treat’ women in the first place? Do we ‘treat’ other men?

I have been reading blogs of women opening up about abuses stored in the darkest parts of their memories. Painful, violating memories. The kind of things that we lock up and throw away the keys. Things like cheating on a partner, killing someone, stealing. Things that prick our conscience. But here’s the TERRIBLE part. All the things that we lock and throw away the key to are OUR mistakes. These women had to do it for something which they could do nothing about. These were not THEIR mistakes but still the scars are similar to the cases I pointed out earlier. Why? Again, it’s because of our so called ‘culture’. If a man rapes, the woman tempted him (just take a look at the moral stories we were fed, Vishwamitra is one that comes to mind. Even Jesus, the woman was the sinner, not the men who slept with her. Lop sided logic? Please give your comments about such lop-sided moral stories you can think of). Btw, I’m not trying to pin the blame on religion. All I’m saying is, we need to start teaching kids stories about respecting women. Nothing is as powerful as a story.

And to all the women who’ve been groped, brushed, violated by men, All I can say is sorry that the ones who didn’t and wouldn’t failed you by keeping quiet. I for one, won’t (have never seen a case either).

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About dairyman

A cat in a man's body who loves dogs. View all posts by dairyman

6 responses to “Sorry

  • PA

    I wish the vehemence we show in blaming religion (and old customs), we could show in blaming these 101 movies where eve teasing and harassment is shown as a cool thing to do. Where a hero literally stalking a girl makes the girl fall in love with him. Why don’t we protest against those stereotypes? What message do these movies/songs/shows send to the millions of adolescents who watch it? That it’s cool? That it’s OK to harass a girl so? That it’s the heights of being in love if you stab/throw acid on the girl who refused to acknowledge your ‘love’? I think for a lot of young people in the country today, cinema is a bigger influence than religion. And as long as we keep making hits out of these movies and songs, we won’t be seeing an end to such heinous acts. Like you said, nothing is as powerful as a story – and a wrong story is more harmful than a good story doing good.

    P.S: Quick note on the Jesus bit – Jesus was the one who DIDN’T consider the woman a sinner 🙂 that’s why he said the only one who can throw a stone at her should be the one who hasn’t sinned at all. And I’ve seen that for most moral/mythological stories or fables, one shouldn’t dig deep and try to make them more than what they are.

    • Nash

      All the heroism coming from the movies have originated from our fables. the concept of ‘pursuing’ a woman has metamorphosised into what we’re seeing in our movies. Movies replicate current practices in most sense not the other way round (except smoking). We never see a hero pinching a girls butt or brushing against her, that was always the villain remember :). Can’t blame movies for something which we had inside already.

      You’re wrong about the Jesus bit, he considered the woman a sinner and pardoned her 🙂 But what I was implying was not what jesus said but what was written in the bible. The woman ALONE was shown as a sinner (for that particular sin) the others may or may not have been part of her sin. essentially tempting a man was a woman’s sin. Its there from the times of Adam and Eve :).

  • yammer

    what about the mental abuse women go through..

  • aniramzee

    You don’t have to feel disgusted with yourself for thinking you’re better than those men. Normal IS better than perverted.
    The thing is, there are two things we associate with a woman’s body: power and honor.
    Many great wars were started because of women, because when a woman leaves the king or rejects a prince, it is seen as a sign of weakness and loss of honor, which he has to get back by defeating the men who protect and claiming her, after which he of course, rapes her.
    Another way of associating honor with a woman is in her body. Europe used to do this until 100 odd years back, but not anymore. In India and other Asian cultures, this still exists. The concept is that the family’s honor resides in the bodies of their women. If a woman cheats on her husband, or a daughter has consensual sex before marriage, marries someone from another caste or religion, or even gets raped, the other man possesses the honor of the woman because he violated her body. The only way the family can claim the honor back is by marrying her off to that man and regaining the honor in the ceremony in front of witnesses, or killing her and taking the honor back. Sending a man to jail for killing his daughter who eloped defeats the purpose because he’s honorably done his duty and is serving time for it. Some men in Haryana have carried their daughter’s decapitated heads to police stations and surrendered to arrest.
    You’re right about the fact that this kind of honor comes from religion (Do your duty in war. You are not killing the soul but only the body, and you will not be punished for upholding Dharma). The only way you can tackle it is by promoting rational thinking, but these men feel giving education to women is dangerous, so even that’s going to be nearly impossible.

  • r. (@mizarcle)

    It isn’t something within men that makes them behave the way they do, it is something that they are a part of i.e. society. If it was one thing, a particle, a gene, something, it would/could have been eradicated. Changing the society and the hundred small, big parts is the complex task.

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