Sorry

What a terrible last couple of weeks. Women who were seething anyway mostly consoling themselves that nothing can be done about the groping, letching and ‘brushing’ which they experienced on day to day basis have been shocked by what happened to a yet to be of voting age girl (not a woman, just a girl) manhandled…scratch that molested? Nope. Not strong enough. Violated by 50+ men for over half an hour!!!! HALF A FUCKING HOUR!!! That’s the amount of time an episode of  MasterChef Australia comes on TV in HD, the amount of time an episode of How I Met Your Mother lasts. It’s not a few seconds where you don’t realize what’s happening and are in shock. No siree. It’s the amount of time where you’re in shock followed by fear followed by anger followed by helplessness and finally ending in resignation. This girl…all of 17…went through it. There are worse things that happen to girls that age in this country of course. Rape. Marriage. Marriage and then rape. Rape and then Marriage. Funny how most of these things have one thing in common, an overpowering man.

I have for a very long time tried to understand which part of the animal/mammal left in man is responsible for rape. However, the time I’ve spent watching the discovery channel or Nat Geo even Eminem videos, men or the male species of every animal first fights among itself for the right to mate then woos the female and only on her consent does it even approach the female. The FEMALE of every fucking species chooses the man it wants to mate with. So animal kingdom can be left out of the equation.

Let’s take insects then. The most organized or highly developed societal insects are the ants & the bees. The bees/ants have 1 QUEEN and a million workers and a few drones who mate with the queen only when called to action (so to speak) so it’s not from insects either. So who could’ve given it to us men?

The elusive ‘God’ (not the particle version. That is real). Let us just examine the metamorphosis of religion into a one stop authorization mechanism used by men (scrupulous and otherwise) to justify acts. Child Marriage, sati (still prevalent in Rajasthan some people say), sharing women after marriage (without consent), polygamy (in the garb of obsolete tradition), not allowed to participate in religious functions during periods, not allowing women into officialdom of religion (because god meant it that way). Through all these acts, men have it hardwired into them that women are of second class. In fact most men have to unlearn this to even accept that women and men are equal. On self-introspection, I am disgusted to learn that I actually think I am better because I think men and women are equal. Not NORMAL but BETTER. This might be a unique case of me alone or it could be more prevalent even among liberal men. Which again brings me to another question, what does being liberal/conservative have to do anything with treating women as equals. Why do we need to ‘treat’ women in the first place? Do we ‘treat’ other men?

I have been reading blogs of women opening up about abuses stored in the darkest parts of their memories. Painful, violating memories. The kind of things that we lock up and throw away the keys. Things like cheating on a partner, killing someone, stealing. Things that prick our conscience. But here’s the TERRIBLE part. All the things that we lock and throw away the key to are OUR mistakes. These women had to do it for something which they could do nothing about. These were not THEIR mistakes but still the scars are similar to the cases I pointed out earlier. Why? Again, it’s because of our so called ‘culture’. If a man rapes, the woman tempted him (just take a look at the moral stories we were fed, Vishwamitra is one that comes to mind. Even Jesus, the woman was the sinner, not the men who slept with her. Lop sided logic? Please give your comments about such lop-sided moral stories you can think of). Btw, I’m not trying to pin the blame on religion. All I’m saying is, we need to start teaching kids stories about respecting women. Nothing is as powerful as a story.

And to all the women who’ve been groped, brushed, violated by men, All I can say is sorry that the ones who didn’t and wouldn’t failed you by keeping quiet. I for one, won’t (have never seen a case either).

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Beauty of knowing you’re screwed

Over the last 1 and half months, I’ve been working almost 16-18 hrs a day, Getting bitten and chewed by every tom dick and harry (they are pseudonyms for thamizhvaanan, dhinakar and harichandran) in my office. Life was filled with showstoppers and I was left wondering where was the show before I realized I was the show.

In all this irony of being the star attraction in a show which I was basically flogged while everyone evaluated the depth of the flog marks and the decibel level of my screams, I realized a beautiful truth. I wasn’t alone. Everyone was getting flogged and evaluated by someone. Being an atheist, I also didn’t have to worry about who was evaluating God. Life was one big ugly 360 degree appraisal where everyone was screwed by someone (well almost).

After this great truth which came when I was getting piss drunk on the last day of the EPL season when it seemed Arsenal were collectively more drunk, sloshed and had more luck than Ireland (not the Stephen kind, poor bastard) the whole world began to make sense for a nanosecond between arsenal taking yet another corner and koschielney scoring a goal which seemed too amateurish to be true. All the world’s a stage was a very stupid statement. All the world was a prison with prison rules. All of us belong to gangs. There are essentially 4 types of people in general. Let me try to give those 4 types which I thought of randomly.

1) The Silver Spooners :

This is the guy/girl whose biggest problems in life is not whether the money will run out but what will you do with it. They are either extremely conscious of their wealth or flaunt it. Their entire existence depends on them being in the good books of their parents. Hence rape is ok but missing puja is not. These people tend to wander till 30 after which they join daddy’s business and make more millions before dying surrounded by friends and family.

2) The ladder climbers :

This group has been drilled from birth that they are not the silver spoons and they have minor amounts of sothu to fall back on. They have had a sip of most luxuries but can’t afford more than that. They HAVE to work their arses off to stay ahead of other ladder climbers. This group has also been told that there are only 3 ladders available to them BE+MBA/MS, MBBS+MD+FRC, BCom+CA/IAS. This group will dream of doing things which the silver spooners do. They save money for 6 months and then feel too chicken to spend it doing what they want so they’ll put it in a PPF account. This group dreams that their kids will atleast belong to the silver spooners group. Most people in this group ignore health to save up till 40 and spend extra from 40 treating Diabetes, BP & Heart disease. Most survive till old age but feel miserable even then.

3) The first timers :

These people have a terrible childhood which they realize only after they enter the ladder climbers group and then they realize how miserable they were. They wish they could go back to  being first timers without tension but with money. These people think they can jump to become silver spooners. They detest ladder climbers more than anything else.

4) The We’re screweders :

This group is just trying to stay alive and die with enough money to pay for their funerals. They are a sad lot for whom life has dealt the worst hand. They have a determination to survive and come apocalypse, they’ll get their chance. They are also the most humane of all groups. They’re eco friendly and don’t throw stones or abandon their pets. They would spend their last penny for ones they love. They don’t bother faking emotions or have dual personalities. They truly enjoy the small moments in life.

So, in the end, I realized I belonged to the ladder climbers. Diabetes, BP,Heart attack, here I come.


above sorrow

Sitting down on a plastic boat,

floating on four legs on the floor,

leaning back rolling the years

seemingly reliving my eternal fears,

looking up to see athe golden twirl

of the rotor or motor doing the twirl

bits of gold and brown combine

like a pretty picture of grime in a gold mine

the shiny brass fooling all below

dangling like a grape above sorrow

then came the woosh of wind bringing alive

the feeling of melancholy that had engulfed the room.


an open letter to myself

Dear Respected the Right/Left/Center(depending on your political opinion) Honourable Mr. Avi,

 

For long has the world witnessed your diabolical tirade against anything acceptable. It is with great difficulty that I am writing this open letter since any letter encolosed in an envelope inevitably tends to go to the trash bin like that ICICI statement. I sincerely hope this open letter will result in closing this implorably despicable chapter, which is your existence.

Why are you like this? You make #widowJokes on twitter. Bug the life out of prominent twitteratti in your inescapable attempts at being funny. Do you even realize that being funny is a proprietary right of a select few who declare themselves to being funny? Do you even know that being funny means you can overstep the boundaries after convincing the people whose boundaries you are overstepping that it is only intended as a joke unless you’re an NRI who makes fun of RIs with tacky humour about arranged marriages?

First of all, you are a nobody. A nobody also includes an engineering graduate in case you were propping up that defense. There are more engineering graduates in India than the population of Greece. And look where Greece is right now! Anybody who is a nobody will know that whatever you do everybody is going to criticize you because you mean nothing to anybody!!! How difficult is that for your cranium to digest! All you do is vomit insults trying to act your age when you clearly are under developed for your age group! Even worse is when you court the friendship of older ubercool persons who’ve swam against the current and made it in life. Everyone, especially the older ubercool people, know the only reason you do it is because you didn’t have the balls to go against the current! So why do you indulge in this insensitive extremely inconvenient brand of self damage?

The next round is the tinkerbells. The people who’ve just entered college to freshers gang. Note, these people are cleverer than you. They are only using you as a reference point as to what not to become when they reach your age. How blind can you be that you cannot see this plain and simple truth. Do you know you are embarassing everyone who has ever been associated with you? including yourself!! I hear your mirror pleads with you everyday to be someone other than you! why can’t you ever listen?

Last but not the least. Please disappear.

 

Yours Truly,

A fan which is spreading the shit that hit the roof.

 


Never Trust a Skinny Chef

Its really ironic how people you’ve met the least sometimes end up making you more emotional than people who’ve been with you all your life. Must be some existential shit. I digress.

 

The chef who told me through words & a catch phrase that I should never trust one who’s skinny is no more. I met him a grand total of 2 times. First time was when I gave a treat along with my boss at that time for becoming a confirmed employee. That was the first time I had heard of this place called ‘Sparky’s Diner’. Apparently it served American food in Chennai & a white dude was its proprietor. A white dude who made Chennai his home with his family???? This I had to see. At a time where most Indians were leaving for the US either to study or work or become taxi drivers, what was a guy from gosh I actually don’t know where he’s from. But he was from the US. And he owned the restaurant which served the yummiest food I’ve ever had.

 

A bit about my inclinations are needed before you continue reading this post. I love food. Actually I really love food. If you held a hot chick and a plate of gobi manchurian, chances are I’d take the hot chick but the gobi comes a close second. That’s how much I love food. 

 

The second time I went to Sparky’s, I went with my then girlfriend who’s now my wife. She loved the food there and we met the Chef for a few minutes where he egged her like a kind grandpa to finish what’s on her plate. We took a photo together & we left. But I bought a T-Shirt for myself from there. I wore it on every possible occassion. I spread the word of sparky’s everywhere I went. I became excited if I met someone from where I am right now who had been to Sparky’s or had heard of it. And I yearned to go back there for some yummy food. But more than anything I marvelled at the man who made a restaurant, scratch that a ‘diner’ feel like home. And for that, Sparky’s will be the place I will go to. I don’t know if it will be the same now that Thom(yes that was his name. And even I discovered it only today) is gone. But I’m sure I’ll take solace from the fact that most of the stuff at sparky’s from the baseball bat to a the poster of Babe Ruth to the old navy diver’s headgear turned into a lantern will have the stamp and signature of the man who through food gave me an orgasm of the purest sense. Maybe this is why they serve good food in every memorial. I hope his comes with a blue berry cheesecake because that defined the man. Colorful, sweet, fat & specialImage. RIP Thom.

 

A Fan and a Foodie. 


countdown begins

1/11/11 to 11/11/11. 10 days to my wedding. I’m so mindfucked right now, I don’t think I’ll get the wedding jitters. good for me.


ebbs & flows

boats rocking steadily, men inside alive

their catch flying by from side to side

naturally are they balanced & poised

like a kettle of tea on the stove.

 

fishes glide and the seaweed sways

all in one movement of harmony.

a dangling worm tantalizingly plays

with the surface of water to lure a scrum.

 

a school of fish spot their prey

instinctively scrambling about

beethoven in the head of the fishermen plays

symphony is what life had become.

 

sudden darkness comes to pass

rocking the boat and its passengers

fish and man move around

gills or legs mattering not.

 

the school of fish watch in awe

scenes of panic and fury above

neither a shark nor a whale around

what was all this about?

 

raghu the oarsman, mathew the captain,

ravi the cook all come ashore

with a catch to fill a thousand mouths

but their breath had been left below.