Tag Archives: pheelings

KD Kadai – 101

Today I had a really surreal moment (before K. Chandrasekaran decided to abuse me on our sametime.  I am going to ignore him for now..where was I again? Oh yeah I had a surreal moment today. It’s not often that you are really happy someone is born(no I did not become a father and no Im not talking abt my girlfriend). This bugger was born arnd 25-26 years back. He and a few others who I will chronicle from now like constable numbers in old tamil films (203, 501 etc). Another interruption…strange how things plot against you revealing an intimate moment to the whole wide world..anyway I shall continue. He and a few others managed to get me out of the worst crisis of my entire life. How did I suddenly think of him now? well because I just came back after attending his father’s(who I saw for the first time ever) sashtayidapurthy(screw the spelling). Now I might be a lot of things, but falling at the feat is something I did very rarely(usually when my mother stared at me as if I screwing someone in the marriage hall). But thi time I didnt need any goading, I was truly grateful for them and wished them a long and happy life and took their aashirvaadam.

Now for the story:

I had a dream. Though it didnt have any black or white people in it. It had a brown lass. Someone who I cared for like nothing I had ever cared for in my entire life. Typical of me then to go and screw it up(that part of how stays with me). In the torturous months which followed, I became a kind of mental(not that I was not already) but I became worse. Drinking problems arose, and like torrential rain so did suicidal thoughts(again this is for later). I somehow managed to drag myself to office and come back home. My roomies who were also my lab mates made sure I did. Sure enough days turned to months and nothing improved. I didnt knw how the news reached this guy(we werent like chaddi buddies) but he had the patience and heart to take a thankless and sometimes wierdass guy(alone risking his own safety I might add) to every place he could think off.  Trying to get my mind working back again. He introduced me to friends(in front of whom I made an ass of myself but at that time I was more like dead anyway so I didnt care) got sloshed in a beach party, went to a new year’s party looking like a guy who came for his first dentist appointment! He even took me to blur(its a gaming center in chennai) ferrying me across chennai(yes Im a bikeless mickey mouse) without ever uttering a word as to why he was doing this and without expecting even an acknowledgment from me. In my eyes that takes a lot of patience and even more amount of love for a friend. Hell I was in that state of mind in which I didnt even recognize what he was doing for me. Now Im back to normal(my kinda normal at least :D) and I wanted to thank my friend through this post. He is one of the reasons why Im walking this earth happily and not like a zombie(another pt is I might not be walking this earth at all).

So Dilip Muralidharan my sincere thanks and gratitude forever for your love, friendship, support and tolerance through the worst period of my life. I love you man and will be there for you throughout my life.






Hit him hard without mercy

Time has just now done

Issues gone under the sun

His hell has just begun


Impossible, no, please, alright

Four stages in every turn

Horrified, realized, pledged, distraught

Things left in his urn


Life, hope, love, laughter

Deprive, suffer, doubt, sorrow

One was said, the other done

Help he wants to come.


Warnings and hints were given a miss

Choosing a fiddler instead

Sat and watched his home being burnt

Playing the fiddle in his head


Then it happened, swift and fast

Flames engulfed himself,

Saved he was well and good

But his home was all but dead


Now he wished he paid more heed

Had a timeturner instead

Of his life and his possessions

He’s just a miserable wreak



 PS: Its not Autobiographical…just that I seem to be able to write only melancholic poems 😛