Tag Archives: philosophy

the 5:00 PM syndrome

Recently I have been noticing a rather disturbing trend in myself. I have started feeling emotionally unstable at the hour mentioned in the title…I have absolutely no idea why….why my worst memories come flooding at that time…the biggest fears scare the life outta me…the most dangerous of thoughts invade my mind…

There are very few things which can drive a man to insanity…but what those things are vary from person to person… Insanity…funny word..does it mean in-sanity? or does it mean absence of sanity…if it means absence of sanity is there a proven methodology to discover the presence of it? Or is it that everyone is assumed to have sanity in them unless proven otherwise…well whatever it is from my rants u might probably think I have an absence of sanity or maybe a lower level of sanity than which is publicly prescribed as having been ‘normal’ or safe…maybe you are right..maybe you are wrong..but I bet u cant prove it…

coming back to the 5:00 PM syndrome…one idea which I pondered over a bit was that maybe Im feeling like that because thats quitting time…i.e. ppl with a family,things to do(a.k.a ppl who had a life) left the office…and the same time when ppl who had absolutely no idea what they were going to do with themselves in the evening stayed back in the hope that they could do something meaningful..something which would make them feel as if they have a meaningful life…or maybe ppl dont care abt it right now…but I do…and It kills me to know I have nothing to go back to…no reason to go home…no reason to wait for the evening to arrive…or the day to end…even when the day to begin it holds no meaning…just another mindless day spent in office…trying to do work…talk to ppl…try and appear normal..when I clearly am not feeling normal..when everything around me seems wrong…is incomplete…what is it that will complete it is something I dont know anymore…

Happiness…its such an understimated thing…ppl dont realise how happy they were till they become unhappy…and once they become unhappy all they can think of is trying to become happy again…the only happiness they knew..but what if that happiness can never come back? what if the happiness is to be searched elsewhere? what if the happiness is to be waited for…what if its darkest before dawn but u dont know when its dark enough…when it seems as if light may never come again…when the heart and head are so heavy one body seems too less for it…when sweat and blood are absent from churchill’s famous war cry….when music makes u sad..cartoons make you wonder with fear…movies make u disgusted at the meaningless of it all..when in general you are thinking about thinking and in the process dont know what to think about anymore…when you are typing words coming to your head in the hope that it would make some sense but in reality makes no sense to anyone even you..but you type them anyhow!!!! in the mere hope that maybe once or sometime in the future these words that you are typing will show you the way even though they are words typed by you!!!

Everything around you seems like noise now…everything around me seems meaningless…life seems meaningless…on top of all this you have to fool ppl into thinking you are ok…that nothing is wrong…because the moment they find something is wrong they become more curious to find the source than the solution…cant fault them…how can you when you yourself are not sure where it all began…where its going to end…life can be lived in the moment for whom the moment is joyful…but when the past is what you want and future has no past in it how can the present have any joy?????the day begins with fear and ends with a tear…I just hope the end is near

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Today is the Tomorrow I dreaded Yesterday

This particular phrase is stuck in my head the entire morning…ok before u guys start wondering WTF this guy is talking abt, lemme give u some background.

Im a guy who likes to plan..analyse stuff..atleast have an idea what Im gonna do and where my life is going etc etc..I used to be a happy go lucky guy who lived in the moment..then something happened..I changed..to this person who analyses why things happened…whether things can be changed..whether things can be corrected..

Friends have been telling me to stop analysing and live…things I used to tell my friends not so long ago!!!…so what happened to me? Im yet to figure out…maybe I got used to having some idea of my future which made me feel safe…now that I cant see anything instead of feeling free..Im feeling insecure..miserable..scared..and all else.. Im slowly trying to get myself to my old happy go lucky self..

Now I come to the title of the passage(funny its coming so late..but thats the order in which it came to my head so Im writing in that order :P) I see this programme called ITAS(In the Actor’s Studio) on Sony Pix..If u haven’t seen that programme yet well…watch it!!!…esp for movie lovers…It features top notch actors describing their experiences and how they got to where they are…also there is another show on zee-cafe monday nights at 9:30 called pain before the fame which describes the trials and tribulations famous stars had to go through before they became famous…but thats diverging…

Today in ITAS the person invited was one of my all time favourite actors Sir Anthony Hopkins(hannibal if u cant place him) He described how he got through some really bad 15 years of his early life..where he was haunted by a bad performance and he used to dread the next day arriving..and so on for a very long time..he came out of it by realising and accepting that the current day which he is spending dreading tomorrow is exactly the day he spent dreading abt yesterday..and nothing he dreaded happened but still he dreaded abt tomorrow..which is exactly what I’ve been doing lately..Im trying to get out of it..but as they say..easier said than done..will I do it? Time will tell